I spent the summer and the early part of the fall in travel for work-related purposes. I'm home for a little respite before starting up again, and I have two pieces of business.
1) Does anyone have a cure for stinky boy-cat poo? My boy kitty is as sweet as sugar candy, but his poo -- is not. I awaken in the middle of the night with a powerful, noxious stench in my nostrils, gagging me, then Mr. Lovey-Dovey jumps on the bed, turns his backside around near my face and THEN pats my mouth with his soft little paw to make sure I'm still breathing.
No, kitty, no, I'm not breathing. I'M UNABLE TO BREATHE FROM YOUR STINKY POO.
Any suggestions? The girl cat eats exactly the same food -- though possibly more of it -- and her poos do not smell like a fresh landfill covered with rotting zombie corposes.
2) A toast! When I've been in town this year, I've been taking reining lessons more seriously than I have in the past. After almost every lesson, we sit chatting in outdoor furniture beside the stalls where the horses are eating their supper and pooing -- they also do not smell as nasty as the boy-kitty. All of us are in dirt-covered boots and possibly poo-stained jeans. Dirt is smeared on our faces, and there are large sweat stains under our armpits. The trainer's wife brings a bottle of cheap white wine out of the house along with some delicate stemware, We fill our glasses, toast one another with dirty fingers and proclaim this little bit of wisdom: Wine: It's how us classy people get shit-faced.
Therefore, my friends whom I haven't spoken to in months, I toast you all with wine. It's how us classy people get shit-faced.